Oh Avenue..why?

So, because I said I would, here is the e-mail I just sent to Avenue clothing store.

Dear Avenue: How in the world as a new customer am I supposed to know that the items you are selling are for plus-sized women when NONE of your models are actually plus-sized? And I don’t mean “model” plus-sized (which is what, a 10??) but real-world fat chicks. I wear a size 24. None of your models look ANYTHING like me. Why is that? You’re selling to people like ME – so hire models that look like ME, not the skinny chick next door. I cannot, in good conscience, buy from a store that obviously doesn’t LIKE how I look or think that someone my size would look good in your clothes. And I know that this is probably not something your store cares about (obviously, or you would have already fixed this) but I’ll be posting this e-mail on my facebook, blog, Pinterest and anything else I can think of to convince others to say the same things and shop elsewhere.

I am saddened by the fact that they expect us to spend our money there, but they don’t think people who wear their clothes are pretty enough to model them.  What an insult!!

Please, if you feel the same way, write them too.  Maybe they’ll wake up and change how they market their clothes if we all start saying something.


Oh, and I’d like to point out two other things about this:
1. This is not some store/site that sells to both “regular” and “plus-sized” women. They ONLY do size 14 & up. So its not like they need to worry about a skinny person not buying their clothes because they have fat people on their site. and
2. Even though I knew they did plus sizes, I was not aware they were solely plus size and kept looking for the tab for plus sizes, assuming that because they were smaller models, I must not be in the plus size “department” – so how is that even good advertising?

Fall TV!!

You’ll figure this out pretty quickly when you start reading this, but let me just alert you to the fact that I KNOW I should get a life and this is way too much effort for something that is such a ridiculous waste of time.  But I like it and it makes me happy and me and my 12 cats that I will eventually have instead of a life will be very happy with our hobby.  So leave me alone and just read and sigh and thank God you have a life. If you don’t have a life then YAY! It’s you and me and the TV (and Bobby McGee?) 

I love fall TV season, the new shows, the hope of a new Lost or ER that will take up way too much of your brain power but will be something new and (hopefully) exciting that you can talk about with your friends…or people on Facebook. Whatever.

Anyway, one of my favorite parts of the Fall TV season is watching all the new previews and figuring out what you’re going to watch and what you’re hoping will suck so that you didn’t miss the first few shows.  Life is a gamble – I prefer to bet with tv shows, its just how I roll.

So here’s what I know about this year’s fall season (so far):

TV channel websites SUCK ASS.

Oh yeah and there seem to be a few shows that may be really good coming out.  But depending on which channel’s website you visit they either don’t give a damn or want you to watch their freaking commercials to see anything about the new shows.  I don’t know about you, but I’m not willing to invest that kind of effort.

————————————–ABC (http://abc.go.com/site/new-shows) has a TON of new shows coming out this fall.

The previews are TINY and if you full screen them they look like you’ve zoomed in on a craptastic pixellated mess.  Not so much a selling point as an annoyance.  Also, if you happen to have the show in the background so you can, I don’t know, blog about them perhaps – you have to listen to the previews/snippets over and over and over.  Also NOT a selling point when they play the same bits of dialogue over and over and over.  GRRRRR Oh, and to add to the annoyance, you have to scroll through the flip-book thingy to get back to the last show you were on.

As for the shows?

I skipped over Apartment 23 without reading more than the caption for the picture. A new “Odd Couple” with chicks? No thanks.

Same for Charlie’s Angels (but I didn’t even read the caption on that one, who doesn’t know the storyline?)

The Chew sounds disgusting.  Its actually a cross between the View (get it? the Chew, the View, how witty…or not), a daytime Food Network show and Martha Stewart? Nope, not for me.

Good Christian Belles looks, hmm.  Could be really good or really, really bad.  I’m hoping for good but assuming its going to be Desperate Housewives with mint juleps and accents.

I truly hope Last Man Standing is going to be good.  It looks good.  I love Tim Allen.  So here’s crossing our fingers it does well. Considering its the only comedy I’m even considering watching, it had better be good.

Man Up seems funny, but stupid funny, not smart funny.  I’m not a big fan of stupid funny.  But the preview made me laugh so that’s something, right? (still not watching it, but I hope others do)

Missing.  Well, they got the name right considering the preview is also missing.   According to the snippet of info they give, it has Ashley Judd in it (who I love) so maybe they’ll get their shit together, put up a preview and knock my socks off.  Here’s hoping.

Once Upon a Time looks stupid.  I’d love to say it doesn’t but it just does.  I just watched the longer preview (it was like the 5th video on the revolving playlist on the show’s site) and it actually doesn’t look too bad.  I have no freaking clue why they wouldn’t make THAT the 1st preview but whatever.  Even though its “from the writers of Lost” I think Grimm (see below) will do a better job with the whole fairy tales come to the present thing but I may watch this premiere just to see if it makes up for the dumb preview.

Pan Am looks boring, like maybe they were trying for some Mad Men watchers with nothing else to watch but I’m not interested.

Revenge (this is actually funny because I participated in a pilot review Neilson thing months ago, so it’ll be interesting what they do with this).  The show itself looked/looks good and from the pilot I saw, I would recommend it.  I may watch it but only if it doesn’t conflict too much with other stuff I’m more interested in.

The River looks good – Amazon river meets Lost meets Alien.  Hmmm  Plus Spielberg is producing so it has some definite promise!

Scandal also looks good – lots of faces I recognize which always makes me nervous.  If I loved who I remember them being, will that ruin or enhance the new show.  The preview is intriguing and this will definitely go on my list of shows to watch.

Suburgatory looks dumb but I’m not a fan of sitcoms anyway and I have enough teenage angst in real life.  Thanks. But no.

Work It is just a bad knock off of Bosom Buddies.  If you want to watch a good “guys dress up like women to get ahead in life” show watch that one – at least it was original.

———————————–CBS (http://www.cbs.com/primetime/fall_preview_2011/)

Holy crap they have a calendar! With premier dates! Its like they actually want you to WATCH their shows! Could it be? Oh, I have to watch commercials before the previews? Nope, guess you don’t want me to watch your shows.  Thanks for clearing that up.

2 Broke Girls looks funny and dumb (as its supposed to) but I’m not interested.  Sitcoms = still not my thing.

Hawaii 50 Ok, I know its not new. But its AWESOME and Alex O’Laughlin is amazingly hot.  I even think Scott Caan is hot and he’s short!

Unforgettable looks REALLY good. Its going on my list.  The characters look good, its not a cookie-cutter crime show but its not too out there for people who like crime shows.  Cool.

Person of Interest is also going on my list.  Jim Caviezel (I’m sure I botched that name but this is a shit-load of typing, I’m not researching spelling too) is a great actor who I’ve loved since G.I. Jane and then Frequency (loved both of those movies!) so I’m excited to see him in a show.  The fact that it has Ben Linus in it ( again, not researching what his real name is) is a bonus.

A Gifted Man will either be really good or really bad.  I’m hoping for really good because it has a good premise: ex-wife comes back to “haunt” (in a good way) the ex husband who still loves/loved her.  He does good because she did good and needs his help to finish what she started.   See? Gotcha already doesn’t it?

——————————————–NBC (http://www.nbc.com/upcoming-shows/)

NBC apparently wants you to have to think about where they hid the upcoming stuff before they’re actually going to share with you.  No reason to put it on the front page or in the search results, right guys? There’s nothing riding on people liking your new stuff or anything, right?  Well, at least once I found them I got to watch them in full screen with all the pixels the right size.

Free Agents has Hank Azaria (LOVE HIM) and that one chick, from…you know…something you’ve seen.  And I think she was funny in it.  Anyway, I think its going to be cheesy but hopefully not because I really do love Hank and he deserves his own hit.

Grimm seems like an interesting take on the fairy tales come to life premise.  It feels, from the preview, more like a crime drama with sci-fi twists that just happen to resemble fairy tales.  That seems like a more conservative approach to the idea (rather than Once Upon A Time where they went full-out fantasy) but could result in a longer lasting show.

I was all set to hate The Playboy Club but really it seems to have taken the cool feel of Mad Men, added some overt sex appeal and run with it.  I may even have to watch this against my better judgment.  Especially since Bobby (Eddie Cibrian) from Third Watch is in it.  Oh Third Watch, I miss that show.  Maybe I should find that on Hulu instead of watching this new show.

Maria Bello is on tv.  That’s really all you need to know to watch Prime Suspect right?  Its Maria Bello as a cop who, apparently, is ostracized from her squad for either sleeping with her boss or refusing to sleep with her boss.  I couldn’t tell from the preview but who the hell cares? Its Maria Bello and she rocks!

I didn’t even watch the preview for Up All Night.  Sorry Christina (Applegate) but I just don’t care who had a baby and who’s going to whine about it.

I did watch the preview for Whitney though it was mostly out of guilt for not watching Up All Night’s preview.  But I have to say it made me laugh a couple times which is rare for sitcoms so more power to her.  I won’t watch it, but that doesn’t mean other, smarter people shouldn’t.

There are other shows listed under “More upcoming shows” on the list on the right when you’re watching these previews that I didn’t watch and won’t write about except to say they’re there and my fingers are tired from typing so damned much.  Maybe I’ll watch them tomorrow.

————————————–Fox (http://www.fox.com/programming/)

Fox has a calendar too! And its downloadable for nerds like me! Hurray!

I’ve been debating whether I’ll watch Jurassi…I mean Terra Nova or not.  I like a lot of the actors but the premise seems ridiculous, overreaching and too contrived.  Why the hell would we decide to go back to the time of dinosaurs? Did someone figure out what killed them so we don’t die? This would be why I’d watch it, just to figure out what they hell they were thinking.

The other two new shows (in Fall) are The New Girl and I Hate My Teenage Daughter.  I won’t watch either of them for multiple reasons, one being they’re sitcoms, two being the name of the second one and three being that I’m not a Zooey Deschanel fan.  So this one’s up to you to figure out.

I am, however, very excited for Alcatraz to start, but I have to wait until “midseason” whatever that means.  It has Hurley (Jorge Garcia) from Lost, Sam Neill from Jurassic Park, Parminder Nagra from ER.  How can they go wrong?

Also, while looking at the midseason starters, I found out about The Finder, which is a spin-off of Bones, which I don’t watch but which a lot of my friends and family love, which tells me its probably going to be good, which means it either will be but I’ll forget to watch it until its halfway through the season or I will watch it and it’ll suck.  We’ll see.


I think that’s it for now.  Even if its not, I’m tired of typing.  Here’s a link to the tvguide fall schedule which is helpful since it has all of the channels in one place. Only problem is that all the links are to stories about the shows, not the previews, which would be much better.  http://www.tvguide.com/special/fall-preview/fall-schedule.aspx

Now go! Schedule those DVR’s! Cancel your plans for September!  Buy cat chow and scratching posts before they’re all gone!

Library madness

I went to the library last night and was very disappointed in my experience.  I love going to the library and enjoy almost every visit there.  Yesterday, however, was a bummer.

First, it was HOT in there! Not “we’re saving money so our a/c is on low”  hot, but “the a/c is broken and we don’t care” kind of hot. It was 85° outside and probably the same inside, without the benefit of a breeze or fresh air.  I had to visit the Information desk and when I asked the librarian how long it had been hot in there she answered non-sarcastically “Since it started warming up outside.”  Really? Thanks for the non-info Information lady!

Second, while standing in line for the Information desk, I watched as one librarian helped a patron and another librarian sat at her computer clicking and typing away.  I assumed that both librarians were busy and if not, computer-using librarian would call me over to her side of the desk.  As I waited, and sweated, and waited, computer-using librarian never looked up, never said anything to me (even though I made sure I was in her line of sight) or to her co-worker.  After about 5 minutes, a kid walked up to computer-using librarian and started asking questions.  I figured if he could interrupt her, so could I and went to her side of the desk when he left.  I told her that I hadn’t wanted to interrupt whatever she was doing but since she had immediately stopped “working” on her computer, she must not have been as busy as I thought.  She looked at me and said “well that’s why I’m here” in a snotty tone like I was the one who had just ignored a patron for 5 minutes.  Jerk.

Maybe the heat was getting to us all.

BEWARE: I’m talking politics!

(FYI: I never talk about politics online, honestly, but this topic has been under my skin for a while. So, this started out as a tweet and it quickly expanded into a Facebook update, then into a note and is now a full-blown rant. You’ve been warned.)

Florida has passed a law that welfare applicants will no longer get welfare unless and until they pass a drug test.  I have a TON of problems with such a law.

First of all, let me give you some highlights of this genius law:

“Applicants for the federal Temporary Assistance for Needy Families program who test positive for illicit substances won’t be eligible for the funds for a year, or until they undergo treatment.”

Who wants to bet that they have to pay for their own treatment to become eligible again? What happens to all the drug addicts already on welfare? They’re grandfathered in and never have to take the test? How does that do anything for the people who voted for this?

“If welfare candidates pass the drug screening, they’ll be reimbursed for the test.”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? How does that conversation go?  “Hi, yeah, I know you have no money.  But before we can give you money, can you please give US money to test your pee?  IF it comes back clean, we’ll pay you back…eventually…once you’ve filled out the proper forms.”

While I could go on and on about all the problems I have with this law, I’ll put it down to a few basic questions:

How do the children of drug addicts (and you KNOW they have kids) eat, survive, stay warm, get school supplies, get birthday presents, have a childhood of ANY kind when they have no money because mommy flunked the drug test? You explain that satisfactorily and I’ll vote for your “no money w/o a drug test” law.

Can you also explain how this is not unlawful search and seizure .  While you’re at it, please explain how a request for money from the government allows anyone access to someone’s bodily fluids especially when that may force them to incriminate themselves (a violation of the 5th Amendment).

They’re poor, but last I checked, that’s not a crime. You have to have probable cause to pull someone over for DUI, you have to have probable cause to accuse someone of a crime, you have to have a REASON to make someone pee in a cup other than “you’re poor, we assume you take drugs, take time out of your day to have someone watch you pee in this cup or you won’t be able to feed your children.”

Who is going to pay for the testing reimbursements? Drug kits at WalGreens are about $35.00 each (we could say the government would get a discount, but who are we kidding? Our government will pay $4000 for a toilet seat).  According to one Wall Street Journal article, there are approximately 520,000 welfare recipients in California alone.  So that’s $35 x 520,000 which equals $18,200,000. Let’s figure 1/2 of the tests come back negative and are to be reimbursed by the government.  That’s $9,100,000. Can any state really afford that extra $9.1 million? And if you’re thinking we’ll just pay for that with all that welfare money we save by not paying all these supposed druggies: remember that those druggies’ kids will now be in foster care, they’ll all need medical care (for malnourishment if nothing else) that they won’t be able to pay for (because they don’t have medical benefits OR welfare) and the state will have to cover that instead.

So much for the savings!

While we’re checking to make sure dad didn’t smoke a joint last weekend (or eat a poppy seed muffin on the way to the drug test), what rape kit is going to sit on a shelf for another year because there are all these urine tests that need to go through?  What drug test that will get someone off welfare and into a new job will have to wait? Even if private clinics take on the biggest amount of applicants, how many will go to a low cost or free clinic run/funded by the state or the county because they can’t pay for the test anywhere else?

How long is the backup in the lab going to be when they are flooded (pardon the term) with urinalyses that they have to run BEFORE the lights get shut off, BEFORE they run out of food, BEFORE they’re evicted because they can’t pay rent.

And before you think I’m some sap who thinks welfare is only given to the truly deserving Cinderella types, oh please.  I’m not an idiot.  There is rampant corruption and dysfunction within the welfare system.  Too many people abuse the system, take advantage of the processes and bureaucracy to get money and benefits they don’t deserve. But believe me when I say: for every mom with brand name clothes and a food stamps card, there is a newly divorced mom doing the best she can to support herself and her family while she gets an education and a job so she can pay taxes to pay it forward. Making both of those women take a drug test won’t stop those abuses from happening. Just because she has nice clothes doesn’t mean she’s using drugs that would prevent her from receiving welfare. So now what?

Things I should have learned when I turned 21

Okay, seriously embarrassed myself last night and I want to share – aren’t I weird?

First, a side note: I do NOT buy alcohol.


Not that I wouldn’t, obviously, but I just have never had a need to go to the liquor store.  I’m 33 and I’ve been there once.

So, when I needed to buy alcohol as a gift, I took Ally into the store with me.  She asked if she should and I said sure, if you’re not supposed to be in there they’ll tell us.  There was no sign on the door about “No Minors”.  No one said anything when she walked in with me.  No one asked if she’s 21.  And I know she’s tall, but she sure as hell doesn’t look 21!!

We wander the store, we discuss different wine labels, laugh at the different types of rum, I asked the clerk a question…it was normal.  Still, no one said anything about her being there.

So I pick out the two things I’m there for, carry them up to the register and get into line.  While standing there I mention, hey those little bottles would be a cool way to try the expensive stuff.  So we look at the mini bottles of alcohol while standing in line.  I grab two and Ally grabs a bottle of Grey Goose and says “hey mom, I’ve heard of this, do you want to try it?”  I say sure, she hands it to me.  I know the clerk has been watching us and I assume its to make sure we’re not stealing anything so I don’t really care or notice.

Once its our turn to check out she asks for my ID, I hand it to her and then she asks for Ally’s.  Confused, I say  “she doesn’t have one.”  The woman gives me a look and says “and who is she?”

Me: “My daughter.”

Clerk: “Well she was handling the alcohol and if she doesn’t have an ID then I can’t sell to either of you.”

Me: “But she’s not going to drink the alcohol?!”

Clerk: “It doesn’t matter.  Our policy is that if she is old enough, she needs to stay in the car and if she comes in, she can’t touch the alcohol.”

Me: “Oh, okay, well if I send her out to the car and put that bottle back?”

Clerk: “No, I cannot sell to you.”

I wasn’t going to argue with her, I knew it wasn’t going to do me any good, and we were both mortified so we just left.

Now, after thinking about it, I’m PISSED.

There were no signs about minors.  Not one of the THREE clerks (one of whom asked if we needed help) said anything about an obvious minor in the store.  There was nothing to tell us we were doing anything wrong.  Considering the number of “policies” the woman listed off, you’d think TELL THE CUSTOMER would be one of them, but apparently not.

The worst day

Today my kid had the ” worst day in the history of man”

She’s 14.

That happens when you’re 14.

Her favorite curse words are “OH Mylanta!” and “Fridge!”

While brushing teeth it was “I can’t get the toothpaste on it! Eww there’s a hair!  No! crap!”

There were also some Napoleon Dynamite impressions in there.

Her first tweet after school was how she could only trust ONE person in her entire school.

I had to bribe her with a Slurpee to get her to spill what happened.  Boys and ex-friends were involved, of course.

And she says she should write a book about it.

Yes, maybe she should.

Sorry honey, tomorrow will be better.  Until then, I feel some 80’s music coming on. :)

You want me to put it where??

I have this thing in my office that is best described as a stack of cubbies.  It used to be out in the reception area of the office and was used as a filing system for forms that we needed handy access to: like coversheets for faxes, transmittals for stuff we were sending to court, etc.

After a while, we were only using maybe one or two forms out of this thing and it was just in the way and ugly so we moved it into my office and I use it to put my envelopes, labels, and other crap in.  It is only about half full and sits under my desk but whatever – its not taking up space.  The forms got moved into a binder called, conveniently, the forms notebook.  Its even labeled “FORMS NOTEBOOK” in big fat letters.

Anyway, boss comes in my office today with a document, kneels down and starts reading the old labels on each cubby.

Boss: “I have this form, we don’t need it very often but we need to save it….”

Me: “Forms don’t go in here”

Boss: “We won’t need it very often, but we need to keep it”

Me: “Forms don’t go in here”

Boss: (finally looks at me with a confused look on her face) “But we need to save it.”

Me: “Okay, but forms don’t go in here.”

Boss: “You think I should put it in the forms notebook?”