Melancholy

Melancholy sucks

And why is it when you’re exhausted is when it’s at it’s worst?

So much is going on all the time around here and this month just about killed me and it’s not even over yet! First, my Aunt Margaret died. She’s had Alzheimers for years but she choked on food, contracted pneumonia and passed away 3 days later. All unbeknownst to me because that side of the family seems to enjoy not calling this side of the family for DAYS after the death. When my dad died, it took 3 days for my grandparents to call. By then he’d been cremated, all his possessions given away – you get the picture. I was11. When my grandma died, it was 2 days, when my grandpa died it was 2 weeks. When my Aunt Margaret died, it was 5 days later, the day before her burial (not her funeral, that’s in January – also a weird thing in my family – waiting weeks for funerals).

Anyway, the whole thing sucked and started the month off on a crappy note.

Second was the stress of Ally’s 12th birthday and party which of course included a group of pre-teens girls at a rollerrena. Immediately after that party, like a moron, I took 4 of the girls with us to the local shelter and let Ally pick out a kitten. What the hell was I thinking?

It actually went really well, all things considered. We picked out a really cute 2 month old black and white kitty that Ally promptly named Oreo.

On Tuesday, three days after getting her we took her to the vet for a free checkup and her first shots. To make a long story short cuz who really cares about all those danged details, Oreo had an allergic reaction to the shots, spent $500 on vet bills, cried myself to sleep last night and now we’re nursing her back to health VERY slowly. There’s no guarantee that she’ll pull through, but we’re doing our best.

When I say “we” I mean me. That’s where the melancholy kicks in. I have been doing all this alone. I am exhausted with worry and sadness and effort and stress. And if this damned cat dies on Christmas I will kill someone. Not sure who, since it’s no one’s fault, but I’ll find someone.

Now I’m all alone because Ally’s at her dad’s for the weekend. I’m force-feeding a baby kitty, I’m exhausted and hungry and don’t want to go anywhere for fear the cat will die while I’m gone.

So yeah, Merry Christmas to me.

I hope to hell that everyone else is having a MUCH better time this past few weeks – we can’t all ruin other people’s Christmasses like you Carrie. :)