It’s the verb part of the definition that confuses my ex-husband. Not what a parent IS (ie sperm donor with visitation) but what a parent DOES. You cannot say that you are a parent if you don’t DO anything about it.
So, when you say we are both going to punish our daughter for stealing and the punishment will be picking up dog poo at your house (because grounding her from electronics like I did means she’s going to whine at you and you don’t like that) you have to actually MAKE HER PICK UP DOG POO!
This is where he fails and she wins and I suffer. I make a punishment (1 month no electronics of any kind) and his brilliant idea is that she has to do chores at his house and clean up dog poo every day she’s there. But then I found out last night that not only is she not actually having to pick up the poo, the reason she doesn’t have to do it is …wait for it….. SHE DOESN’T LIKE IT! So instead, she just has to stay outside until he tells her she can come in. Essentially doing what she would do at his house anyway: getting a tan.
Brilliant I tell you, fucking brilliant.
So because my ex is an idiot, my kid has learned the following:
1. If I don’t like something, just be stubborn enough in my refusal and I won’t have to.
2. Mom’s punishments mean jack because if I’m patient, I can just go watch t.v. at daddy’s, play on the computer and call my friends from there
3. Daddy’s a sucker
4. Stealing isn’t that big a deal and,
5. Mom’s the mean one, dad’s the fun one (that’s my favorite).
When I freaked out on him about it, he had his patent response: “I’m not married to you…you can’t make me punish her at my house (apparently he’s two and “you can’t make me” is a good enough response for him)… I want to have fun with her when I see her … this is my house and you can’t control what happens here….grounding/punishing her sucks.”
No shit Sherlock, you think grounding her at my house is FUN?? You think she doesn’t argue with me every fucking step of the way?
Trying to talk to him more gets the second patent response: “you just think you’re the perfect parent and you’re not – you need to back off”
Of course I’m not the perfect parent – of course I don’t think I am – have you MET ME?? All I want is for him to back me up so I’m not doing this again next week when she steals from me again because she knows she essentially will get away with it.
Bet you can’t guess why we’re not married anymore.